ADHD and Conflict: Navigating Communication with My Husband, Kids, and Friends
Living with ADHD means my brain runs at full speed—thoughts bounce around, emotions hit hard, and sometimes, I react before I’ve even had time to think. This can make communication tricky, especially in my closest relationships. I’ve had moments where I’ve blurted something out without meaning to, forgotten important conversations, or felt completely overwhelmed by my own emotions.
This can be frustrating for the people around me—especially when they think I’m ignoring them, but in reality, my brain just decided their words weren’t important enough to keep on file. I could remember a random TikTok I saw three weeks ago word for word, but a conversation about plans for tomorrow? Gone. Vanished. Deleted from my mental hard drive like I’m running out of storage.
For a long time, I thought this made me bad at relationships. But the truth is, ADHD just means I need to approach communication in a way that works for me—and for the people I love. It’s something I’m always working on, especially in my marriage, with my kids, and in friendships. Here’s how ADHD affects my relationships and what I’ve learned about handling conflict along the way.
How ADHD Affects My Relationships
Talking Before Thinking
One of the biggest struggles with ADHD is blurting things out. My brain moves fast, and sometimes, I speak before I’ve fully processed what I actually want to say. This can mean interrupting conversations, accidentally sounding harsh, or saying something that I don’t even really mean.
With my husband, this can sometimes cause frustration, especially when we’re discussing something important, and I accidentally cut him off mid-sentence. With my friends, I’ve had moments where I’ve spoken too quickly and then spent days overthinking whether I sounded rude. (Spoiler: they usually didn’t even notice.)
I’ve learned that slowing down isn’t my strong suit, so instead, I try to check in with myself before responding—especially in emotional conversations. A quick “pause and think” moment can make a huge difference in how I communicate.
Emotional Overload & Rejection Sensitivity
ADHD comes with big emotions. Add PMDD into the mix, and sometimes it feels like my emotions have been cranked up to 100. A small disagreement can feel like the end of the world, and even minor criticism can send me spiraling. This is something I’ve had to work on a lot—especially in my marriage.
If my husband says something that I think sounds critical, my brain instantly jumps to, He’s annoyed at me. I’ve let him down. I’m a terrible wife. In reality? He was probably just asking where I put the remote.
With my kids, emotional overload can make parenting challenging. If they’re having a tough moment, I have to remind myself that their feelings aren’t my fault and that I don’t have to fix everything immediately. Some days, we’re all riding the same emotional rollercoaster together.
Forgetting Conversations & Plans
My memory is selective at best. I can remember hyper-specific details about a random TikTok I watched three weeks ago, but if my husband reminds me of a conversation we had yesterday, there’s a good chance I’ll stare at him blankly.
To avoid completely gaslighting myself (and my husband), I’ve learned to work around my brain’s selective memory. I write things down, set a ridiculous number of reminders, and—most importantly—I get my husband to text me anything he actually expects me to remember. Because let’s be real, if it’s not in writing, it never happened.
With friends, I’ve learned to be honest. If I forget something, I don’t try to fake my way through it—I just admit it. A simple, “My ADHD brain totally wiped that from my memory—can you remind me?” usually stops things from turning into a bigger deal than they need to be.
But honestly? The real game-changer is finding people who just understand how my brain works.
Conflict, Avoidance & the Rage Response
For years, my go-to reaction to conflict was either shutting down completely or over-explaining to the point of exhaustion. If a friend was upset with me, I’d panic and send a novel-length message apologizing for everything I’ve ever done wrong—even if it wasn’t that deep.
But if I felt backed into a corner? I’d go straight to anger and rage. It wasn’t just frustration—it was like a switch flipped, and suddenly, everything felt too much. My brain would instantly go into fight mode, reacting way bigger than the situation actually called for. The worst part? I’d often regret it as soon as the storm passed.
I don’t react that way anymore, but it took a lot of self-awareness (and patience) to get there. I had to recognize that my rage wasn’t who I was—it was just my overwhelmed ADHD brain struggling to process emotions properly. Now, when I feel myself getting upset, I take a step back before responding. Deep breaths, Walking away, finding five things I can see, five things I can feel, five things I can smell, and five things I can touch helps to relax my nervous system. Or even just texting instead of talking can help me process my emotions without reacting impulsively.
Avoiding conflict completely isn’t the answer, but neither is letting anger take over. Now, I’m working on facing conflicts in a way that feels safe for my brain. That means:
✔ Taking a break before responding if I feel overwhelmed.
✔ Using writing when talking feels too hard.
✔ Reminding myself that conflict doesn’t mean rejection—it means working through things together.
How I Handle It Now
Learning to Pause Instead of React
One of the biggest changes I’ve made is pausing before I react. It sounds simple, but when my emotions hit hard and fast, taking a second to breathe makes a massive difference. If I feel frustration or overwhelm bubbling up, I try to step away, put my headphones on, or do something with my hands (usually crochet) before responding.
And if all eles fails I Walking away, finding five things I can see, five things I can feel, five things I can smell, and five things I can touch.
It’s not about ignoring my feelings—it’s about giving myself the space to understand why I’m feeling that way before I let it take over.
Talking Things Through in a Way That Works for Me
I used to either avoid difficult conversations completely or over-explain to the point of exhaustion. Now, I try to find a middle ground.
If I need time to process, I tell the other person instead of shutting down.
If talking feels too overwhelming, I’ll write things down instead.
If I get flustered mid-conversation, I remind myself that I can always come back to it later. (Something my brain tends never to forget)
This has made a huge difference in my marriage, with my kids, and in friendships. It’s not about being perfect at communication—it’s about figuring out what actually works for me.
Letting Go of Guilt
For so long, I had no idea I had ADHD. It was only when I started learning more about myself that everything began to make sense. Before that, I just thought I was an awful person—someone who couldn't keep things together, who was constantly failing at being a good friend, wife, and mum. I assumed my brain just wasn’t wired to handle the “normal” stuff that seemed so easy for everyone else.
I carried this overwhelming sense that nobody really liked me—not because of anything they did, but because of how I felt inside. I couldn't understand why my reactions were always bigger than the situation, or why I couldn’t remember important things, or why I’d get overwhelmed so quickly. I thought it was just me. And in my mind, that made me a failure.
But now I know that it wasn’t that I was broken—it was just that I was living with ADHD, a part of me that I hadn’t yet understood. And as I've started to accept this part of me, I’m learning that the things I thought made me “too much” or “too different” are actually just pieces of my brain that need to be understood and managed. It’s not that nobody likes me—it’s that I didn’t like myself, and now, I’m learning how to love the version of me that is me, ADHD and all.
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