"No" Is a Complete Sentence. Add a Little Spice and Make It a Fuck-Off Cocktail.
Let’s get one thing straight.
I didn’t start setting boundaries because I suddenly became wise, grounded, or emotionally mature.
I started because I was fucking tired.
Tired of being the therapist, the cleaner-upper, the fixer, the flexible one, the ‘just let it go’ one, the emotional sponge soaking up everyone else’s messes while quietly drowning in my own.
So no, this isn’t your Pinterest-perfect post about how empowering it is to “choose yourself.”
This is the unhinged, possibly-crying, definitely-oversharing ADHD version.
The one where the empowerment feels more like an emotional exorcism and less like a spa day.
✨ Step One: Realising You’re Not the Problem (Even Though You Feel Like You Are)
Let me tell you about the first time I said no.
It wasn’t dramatic. No stormy showdown or slam of the phone. It was a message. Simple. Honest. I said I couldn’t be there — not this time. I needed to rest.
And do you know what I got in return?
Passive-aggressive silence.
A guilt trip disguised as concern.
A vague Facebook status that was clearly about me, complete with a “some people, huh?” vibe and three crying emojis.
ADHD me spiralled HARD. I rewrote my message seventeen times in my head. I cried in the shower. I almost caved. But something in me — probably my final remaining brain cell — whispered,
“This isn’t what love should feel like.”
And damn if that didn’t hit like a brick.
🔥 ADHD + Trauma + People Pleasing = Boundary Bloodbath
Let’s add some extra spice to the disaster stew.
ADHD makes emotional regulation hard. Boundaries? They require regulation. Dopamine-deprived brains? They crave external validation like a toddler craves snacks and chaos.
And don’t get me started on trauma. If you were taught love is earned through sacrifice, if your childhood taught you peace is only possible when everyone else is okay, then boundaries feel like betrayal — not safety.
So what happens when you try to say no?
You:
Over-explain until your brain collapses
Apologise for existing
Say “but if it’s really important I can…” (No. Stop it. NO.)
Spiral into shame because someone didn’t reply with a smiley face
It’s like trying to build a fence out of jelly in the middle of a thunderstorm — while people throw rocks and tell you you’re being selfish for even trying.
🧠 Fun Fact: Boundaries Aren’t Just About Saying “No” — They’re About Surviving the Fallout
Because here’s what no one warns you about:
The fallout is real.
After the boundary is set — that’s when the mental gymnastics begin.
Did I sound rude? Are they angry? Should I message them again just to check? Maybe I was overreacting? What if they never talk to me again? What if everyone thinks I’m a bitch? What if I AM a bitch??
Meanwhile, the other person is at brunch, living their best life, not giving your boundary a single thought. And you? You're curled up on the sofa replaying one WhatsApp message like it's a war crime.
But here’s the truth: If a boundary costs you someone? It’s revealing, not ruining.
Because people who love you will adjust.
People who use you? They’ll punish you for changing the rules.
☠️ The Guilt Will Gaslight You. Don’t Let It Win.
Guilt is a sneaky bastard.
It’ll wear the voice of your mum. Or that teacher. Or your ex. Or your inner critic dressed as a motivational speaker.
It says things like:
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You used to be so easygoing.”
Guilt doesn’t care about your peace. It just wants to keep you quiet.
So next time you feel that guilt creeping in like a mouldy houseguest, ask yourself:
Am I feeling guilty because I did something wrong,
or because I finally did something right for me?
💔 You Might Lose People. And That Will Hurt. (But You’ll Survive.)
Here’s the part no one puts on the aesthetic self-help quotes:
Setting boundaries might cost you:
A friend you thought would never leave
A sibling who’s only ever known how to take
A group chat that suddenly feels like a cold void
You’ll grieve. You’ll question yourself. You’ll wonder if you overreacted. And maybe, if you’re like me, you’ll mourn the imaginary version of the relationship — the one where they actually respected you.
But eventually, you’ll look around and realise something powerful:
You’re still standing.
Still healing.
Still creating space — not for chaos, but for connection.
Not for noise, but for nourishment.
✨ Boundaries Are Not Walls — They’re Invitations.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love people.
It means you love yourself enough to make space for safety.
It’s saying:
“I want to connect with you — without shrinking myself to fit into your comfort.”
Healthy boundaries are not rejection.
They’re an invitation:
“Here’s how to love me without hurting me.”
And if someone can’t accept that invitation? Let them walk. Close the gate. Water your plants. Text your best mate and laugh about the drama.
You’re not for everyone. But you’re definitely for you.
Final Words from Me — The Yarn-Fueled ADHD Goblin Queen of Boundaries
If setting boundaries makes you feel like the villain?
Good.
That means you’re finally not the victim.
You’re the main character now.
The one who says:
“No, I’m not coming over today.”
“No, I don’t have the capacity for that.”
“No, I don’t need to explain myself.”
And then you go home.
You light a candle.
You crochet something spicy.
And you remind yourself: peace was always worth the price.
💬 PS: Need a little help with boundaries?
I made a free, chaotic-good boundary worksheet just for you — packed with dark humour, ADHD realism, and zero toxic positivity. Download it, scribble all over it, cry if needed, and reclaim your peace like the glorious goblin queen you are.
Comments
Post a Comment