The ADHD Hook Blog

thought I’d feel relief. After everything my body has put me through… the hormones, the spirals, the days where my own brain turns on me… I thought choosing a hysterectomy would feel like finally being free. And it does. But today it feels like grief has wrapped itself around my chest and refuses to let go. I’ve cried all day. The kind of crying that doesn’t ask permission. The kind that comes from somewhere deep inside your bones. Because this isn’t just a surgery. This is me closing the door on the one thing I truly, deeply believe I’m good at. Being a mum. And yeah… I mum-shame myself daily. I doubt myself. I overthink everything. I lie awake replaying moments, wondering if I got it wrong. What mum doesn’t? But underneath all of that… I love being a mum. It’s the one place in my life where, even in the chaos, even in the mess, even when I feel like I’m failing… I know it matters. I know I matter. And now I’m choosing to end the part of me that creates that life. No more pregnancy te...

 I had two babies before I had Hunter. Most people don’t know that. Not because I’m hiding it… but because I was never really allowed to have it. The first one was 7 weeks. At the same time my grandad was dying, and my mum… well, she was dealing with her own chaos. Gambling, secrets, everything spilling out. And somehow… it became my fault. I told people what was going on because I didn’t know what else to do. I was 21, living in my boyfriend’s box room, trying to hold everything together with hands that were already shaking. Instead of being held, I was blamed. Mum blamed me for telling. Dad blamed me for the timing. Like grief has a schedule. Like loss politely waits its turn. So I lost a baby… and then I learned very quickly that my pain was inconvenient. The second time… I didn’t even tell anyone at first. That tells you everything. I was living in a flat that barely deserved the name. No carpet. Holes in the walls. The kind of place that echoes when you breathe. I told him… an...